My aunt has a home care provider that comes in at 9 and leaves at 2. The woman gets my aunt up and ready for the day, prepares breakfast and lunch and cleanes my aunt's room, etc. Today the provider did not show and I am in charge. I will focus on my aunt today.
History:
My Tia Bea was born in Mexico, the oldest of three children. Her mother died when my aunt was maybe 12 tears old. My grandfather remarried and there was trouble between the step-mom and the kids. The kids were soon sent to live with other relatives. I imagine that my aunt's life was similar to that of Cinderella, before the pumpkin. My aunt heard, "This is not your house; what are you doing just sitting there; you are always in the way and this is not yours." This history is important to the development of my aunt's mind set.
My aunt was living by herself in Mexico, after her sister died. My mother was alone in this house. I thought of putting one and one together. This was somewhere around 1993. Although we tried to make my aunt as comfortable as possible, bringing most of her belongings here, she seems to feel that she is in the way and not at home. Although at some level I can understand this thinking, I would think that all of our efforts for her would ease her thinking that at any moment we would be kicking her out into the street or worse, sending her to a nursing home.
Examples of how she "is in the way" include:
Bump into her chair or her walker in the slightest way and she will quickly tell you that she will move to not be in the way.
Dinner or lunch - When there are 6 people for lunch or dinner, she will want to allow others to eat first or she will eat qucikly so that others can sit at the table. Two days ago she told me that she wanted to eat quickly so that other could get to the table. I reminded her that it was only me, her, and the dog.
Rarely does she disagree with anyone. She has mastered the art of passive aggressive behavior. She will be agreeable but not follow through with the action. Although at times, this can be attributed to the dementia, I remember this behavior from way back. This behavior can be a detriment to her health as she will not complain about physical ailments. When the medical folks are involved, nothing hurts, her vision is perfect, and her arthritis is on the mend.
She does not ask for help. She needs both hands for the walker. Yet, she tries to take her dishes from the table to the sink or may try to wash her dishes. When I take these from her, she thanks me profusely, when none at all are needed. She has fallen when she tries to clean up a mess she made on the floor. It would be so much easier to ask for help.
Good days and bad
Today her brain neurons were firing okay. She followed my instructions for changing and taking her pills, etc. On her good days, my aunt does relatively normal stuff. She eats, naps, walks up and down the hall after lunch, plays with the dog. Caring for her on good days is easy.
When one neuron does not know where the other one is, it is a bad day. This is the dementia. Recently she asked me three times if I had eaten. Each time she had to motor from her room to the living room. The fourth time she came out to ask if she could fix us all some dinner. I reminded her that it was only her , me, and the dog and walked her back to her room.
On the bad days, her schedule is messed up. One of the schedule items is "merienda."
This is the Mexican tradition of having coffee with toast or sweet bread around 5 p.m. Since dinner is usually later, this carries us over. We have coffee around 5, and 45 minutes later she will be trying to get the coffee maker going again.
The schedule is to have lunch around 12:30. On the bad days, she will be heading to the kitchen looking for food at 2 p.m. When asked what she wants or is she hungry, she says that she has not had lunch. I tell her that she did and she wants to know when and what she ate. She may also ask me how I know this, not remembering that I ate with her.
Bedtime is around 8:45. She needs a glass of water and her evening pill. On bad days, there may be several trips to the kitchen for water, even though I tell her that the water is by her bed. She may also make several trips to the bathroom. I will let her have two or three trips. These involve going in, closing the door and immediately coming out again and not doing anything. Ultimately I will confront her asking her if she is in pain, having discomfort, etc. She says that she was going to the bathroom. I tell her that it is the fourth trip and that if she is ill we will see a doctor immediately. I walk her back to the room and she sleeps it off.
On a recent bad day, I thought that she had entered a state of psychosis. When I got up at 6 a.m., she was sitting in the dark in the kitchen, looking out the window (still dark out). She said that she was waiting for my mother. My aunt said that my mother needed a ride from the bus station. I asked her where she was arriving from and my aunt was vague on that detail. I told her that my mother had long died. None responsive to this fact. She continued with this delusion. I finally told her that my mother would call from the station when she arrived and that someone would pick her up. With this she agreed to go back to bed.
I was worried if my aunt did not come out of this delusion. I would have to consider moving her to a nursing home. Luckily, by the time she was having breakfast, her neurons were communicating and she had a good day.
So far today, the good day continues.
Later.
Joe V
No comments:
Post a Comment