Time

        Time is of the essence. A stitch in time saves nine.
    
 Someone commented on my Facebook page, "Hey, what's up? You should have more activity on this site. Why have you not tidied up your page? Now that you are retied, you have all the time to do this." Although the quote is not exact, it is close.

        Time flies. Time heals all wounds. Time....

What it is
Before I retired, I did think that I would have a different relationship with time when I did not have to report for work. However, I did not know how my time would be consumed in the care of my aunt. Lately I have begun to value MY time more, because I seem to have less.

My aunt has a care provider four or five hours a day, seven days a week. These workers are here either at 8 or 9 am. Their primary duty is to get her up, bathe her, fix breakfast, and clean her room. Lately washing of linens has become a daily occurrence. I would like to think that when these workers are in the house, that I am free to do what I want.

However, when I am away from the house, I am constantly looking at the time, because I need to be back before the provider leaves. On the day of a doctor's appointment, I can be assured that I will surrender 2 or 3 hours at the doctor's office. On the day of an in-house visit of one kind or another, I cannot leave until after the visit. In the last three weeks, my aunt has needed would care for a heel sore. Although initially the wound was being cared for by a visiting nurse, the responsibility was passed on to the family, me. This new task delayed my departure from the house until after 10 a.m.

My Time:
          Going to the movies happens when the movie I want to see has an 11 a.m. showing. This will get me back home in time. On Sunday I have breakfast at Denny's, at 6 a.m. After, I go to the grocery store or WalMart to shop or browse casually. I have to be back by 8 when the provider arrives. The weekend person does not test blood sugar levels. Today I was finishing my breakfast at Denny's when the provider calls to tell me she is outside the house. I tell her that I am out of the house and that she is 1 hour early. She did not set her clocks and did not know about the time change. I have to get back to let her in.
            I also get MY Time when my sister or my niece cover for me. I went to a football game, just until half-time. I met with some friends for dinner, until 7:30 p.m. I went to see the marching band competition, until 10 p.m. My time is limited.
            I used to enjoy a glass or two of wine while reading a suspense paperback. In the not too distant past, I could sit outside and leave my aunt by herself and not worry about her. In her state, I may be sitting just outside the kitchen and she is there having her afternoon coffee, but I am not relaxed. I seem to be checking to see if she has gotten up and at the stove trying to cook. The other danger is her falling because she wants to go from here to there and leaves the walker behind.

 Respite time/ MY Time
         One of my aunt's benefits is respite care. There is an allotment of time available for her caregiver to take a break. The agency will pay for others to come and take over "my shift." This coming weekend I will take Thursday afternoon to Tuesday noon and be away from the house. This time away is not easy to arrange. The regular care providers can be here more time than their normal shifts and get paid for it. My sister and my niece will cover any of the holes in time. The schedule must be submitted two weeks in advance and approved. I am looking forward to Thursday.

Running out of time
        I fear that my aunt is running out of time here at the house. My sister and I had commented that when she needed 24/7 care and we could not provide it, that she would go into a nursing home. My aunt needs 24/7 attention. She does not know what day or month it is. She has delusions and hallucinations at times. At times she does not know who I am. She continues to have the mini-strokes (Transient Ischemic Attacks). She refuses to ask for help with anything - getting out of bed, a glass of water, help to the bathroom, putting on her shoes. She at times does not recognize her body's messages about body functions.  When she is lucid she can be argumentative and stubborn, not realizing that her physical condition is that of a 94 year old.
        Caring for her is tiring and I accept that. However, caring for her has become a struggle because of her dementia. She will say, "I think I want to go to my room." I get up to help her up and going. She questions and refuses to go to her room because it is too early. I tell her that she just said what she did. I go back to what I was doing and 5 minutes later she is up and on her way to the room.         I help her up from her recliner and she does not remember if she was getting up or sitting down.  She will argue that she has not had dinner. I try to remind her of that fact. She will then ask me to show her what she had.  The act of helping is in itself not a struggle, dealing with a brain that does not know one minute to the next is a struggle.

My choice
    I had a choice and and I decided to come back to the Rio Grande Valley. I know that while I was in Washington, my family struggled with my aunt's condition. However, that condition has deteriorated since I saw her last summer. As she continues to deteriorate, it will be my decisions that impact the remaining time she has. In psychology one of the dominant approaches to therapy is that of choices and consequences. This has become a part of me. I may regret a choice but I don't dwell on it and I accept the consequences. I am a point where I need to choose for my own well-being. I need to make a choice that does not diminish the care that my aunt receives, and that is beneficial to my existence.

Joe