Juana Beatrice Vidales (Mi Tia)

My aunt (Mi Tia) died on January 2, 2011. She was born on May 26, 1916. She was 94.

(18-20 years?)

January 1
      I already wrote about her experiences on Christmas Day. New Year's Day was a relatively normal one for her. She had a good dinner and was belligerent. She went to bed around the same time without incident. Around 3 a.m. I awoke to her talking. My room is down the hall from her's and I am a sound sleeper, so you know that she was talking loudly. I went to her room and saw that she was under the covers, in bed, and talking. I could not make out much of her talk. It was the "talk-in-your-sleep" talk. I went back to bed.

January 2
     She was breathing deep and seemed in a sound sleep when I checked on her around 6 a.m. The care provider arrived at 8 a.m. and 10 minutes later the provider came to tell me that she was having trouble getting my aunt up. "She seemed unresponsive to commands and loose." I went to see what was up. I immediately knew that all was not right. Her face seemed distorted to the right and drooling had occurred. Her left side was unresponsive. I grabbed her left hand and asked her to squeeze. The squeeze happened on the right hand. When I uncovered her to mover her legs, she did not make an attempt to cover herself. This was out of the norm for her. Above all else, she was concerned about making sure she was covered. It was evident that she had suffered a stroke.
       There was a history of TIA with my aunt. These are otherwise known as "mini-strokes." People with TIA history don't always have a major stroke, but there is a good likelihood that a big one is lurking. I called the Hospice nurse and he was of no help. He suggested that I wait a couple of days to see if she would recover. I could not see myself caring for someone with a stroke for three days. This was further proved when it took three people to clean her up and change the bed, my sister, the provider, and me. I spoke to the supervising nurse for Hospice and told her that we needed to start the process to transfer my aunt to a nursing home. This would have happened the next day, Monday.

       Around noon on the 2nd, my sister asked my aunt if she wanted something to drink or eat and she mumbled something that sounded like not now. A check of her pupils showed that they were totally dilated, not a good sign. Around 3 pm, I lay on the couch to watch a football game and dozed off. Around 4:30 I went to check on her and she had died. The supervising nurse from hospice came to clean her, check her, and then pronounced her dead. The nurse suspects that either the original stroke or a second one may have been the cause. The nurse called the funeral home and they came to collect the body around 7 p.m. By this time all of my brothers had arrived and seen her.

(in her 40s?)

                                                               Pre-Arranged Funeral
        I always thought that when someone had a "pre-arranged funeral" that all that needed to be done was to put them in the box and in the ground. NO!
       The one good thing that my evil sister-in-law and evil Chicago relative did for my aunt was to talk her into letting them make funeral arrangements. My aunt was not interested in discussing death. She resisted the idea of a last will and testament. When she sold the property in Mexico, the funeral arrangements were made and paid for in cash. (I now wonder if she didn't lose some extra cash in the transaction.) In any case, the casket and funeral home expenses were made. My mother transferred a cemetery plot to my aunt. The "opening and closing" cemetery costs were also paid. I think that is another rip-off.

Funeral home
        The day after my aunt's death, my sister and I begin to make the arrangements. We had a copy of the receipt for the funeral home coats. We go through the preliminary questions and then we are told, "This is what is not covered." What happened to pre-arranged? The grieving family can easily be suckered into spending many more dollars before they are aware. Things that we were offered that meant more money that we declined were extra viewing time at the funeral home, an extra limo, a DVD of her pictures, a lengthy obituary in the paper with photos, and others. We did have to pay $100 for the city police escort, mandatory. There is a cost of $21 for the first copy of the death certificate (mandatory), other copies are less. We got three copies. We added some information to the newspaper obituary, beyond the notice of death, $136. The funeral home also told us that the flowers for the casket were not included, $200. However, we argued that our copy of the receipt had a charge of $200 for flowers, the funeral home copy did not. They honored our receipt.

Church
         The decision was made to have a mass at the St. Joan Catholic Church, across the alley from the house. My sister went to make the arrangements and asked about the cost. She was told that there was not charge. However there was a $100 donation. HUH??? I thought it should have been less because the priest was busy elsewhere and the one conducting the mass was a deacon. I don't really know what a deacon is or how someone becomes one.

Cemetery
         At the cemetery, there were three obstacles. The plot had been transferred, but when my brother went to finalize the transaction, his name was added as an "owner." This brother and his wife had been involved in this pre-arranged funeral. He needed to go to the cemetery office to release the plot. The opening and closing had been paid, $545. The sister-in-law went to pay for this and her name was on the receipt we had. Again, she needed to go and "release" the transaction and make it my aunt's. This had to be done before the ground could be dug. Although not happy that they were inconvenienced, my brother and his wife signed the required forms.
         Since my aunt had no other living relatives, all of the nephews and niece had to sign a form stating that we agreed to have her buried in that cemetery. We were told that there have been families that argued over where to bury someone and lawsuits followed. If the survivors agreed there would be no need to dig up the dead in the future. A brother traveling 250 miles and one delayed by work responsibilities had to sign before Noon the day of the burial or there would be no burial.

(on her 85th)

After the burial, we gathered at the house. The Chicago relative, my brother and his evil wife did not join us. The wife had a funeral to attend in Houston and did not attend my aunt's funeral. The Chicago relative continued to not want to mingle with us. My sister and I tried to explain to those gathered how my aunt had deteriorated and how it was for her in the last couple of years. 

My brother and his wife live 5 miles away and had not been to see my aunt in about 2 years, the last time Miss Chicago came to visit. There were never any calls to see how she was doing or how the caregivers were doing. However, these two women put on quite a show at the funeral home. They cried, stroked her arm and her hair. They hugged her. Those who did not know them would say that there was a closeness between them. There has been no further contact from them.


(90 years?)

My aunt suffered much in the last 10 years. In the last year she deteriorated tremendously. Her mind was not always firing on all cylinders. She did not know what day it was, or what season it was. The last years of her life was an existence. I do not wish that on anyone.

Joe